‘Twas the Night Before Christmas – New School Investor Style

Forwarded from my partner Chris Wand. 

An Investor’s Rendition of ‘Twas the Night Before Christmas (by Travis Cocke)

‘Twas the night before Christmas, when all through the land
Not a banker was lending, not even “Gold-Man”
Foreclosures were hung by the courthouse with care
In hopes that Hank Paulson soon would be there.

The Bankers were nestled all snug in their beds
While visions of bonuses danced in their heads.
And my teachers in their offices and me in my room
Had just settled an argument about the depth of the gloom

When out on Wall Street there arose such a clatter
I sprang from my bed to see what was the matter
Away to the computer I flew like a flash!
Started up the ticker, and threw up some cash…

The i-banks on the brink of another bad blow
Sell all your stocks and look out below!
When, what to my wondering eyes should appear?
Green on the screen as the Fed interfered

With the same old chairman, so ready to lend
I knew in moment it must Big Ben
More dovish than Greenspan, his governors they came
And he printed and lended and called them by name!

“Now Lockhardt! now, Lacker! now, Evans and Plosser!
On, Geithner! On, Fisher! On Yellen and Krosner!
To the Treasury! To the Mile High Mint!
Now print away! Print away! C’mon now print!”

As credit spreads that before defaults do fly
When they meet with an obstacle, they drop green from the sky
So up to the Capitol the governors they flew,
With a chopper full of money, and Rick Wagoner, too.

And then, in an e-mail I read from a friend
Capitalism was dead, and this was the end
As I sold my last stock and started to cry
On the TV came Buffett and he said “Time to buy.”

He was bullish on stocks, from Nike to CVX
And his portfolio was tarnished with options and CDS
A bundle of buyouts he had flung on his back
And he looked like a genius, just following his knack

His stocks how they fell! His returns how scary…
Yet his cash-how it swelled! And His letters so merry…

He was chubby and cheerful, a right jolly investor
And I smiled when I saw him, despite my dreadful semester
A twinkle in his eye and the use of his cash
Soon gave me the know that stocks wouldn’t crash

He spoke not a word, but went straight to his work
Shoring up balance sheets, and buying preferreds
And laying his finger aside of his nose
And giving a nod, UP & UP Berkshire rose!

He sprang to his NetJet, to his pilot gave a whistle,
And away they all flew like the down of a thistle.
But I heard him exclaim, as he drove into the sky,
“Happy Trading to all, and to all a good buy!”